


What He Really Needed

by Thursdays_Angel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Grieving Dean Winchester, Happy Ending, Hurt Castiel, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Episode: s12e23 All Along the Watchtower
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-27
Updated: 2017-09-28
Packaged: 2019-01-06 02:43:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12202284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thursdays_Angel/pseuds/Thursdays_Angel
Summary: Amara had been wrong when she'd said Mary was what Dean had needed most. While he was more than happy to have his mom back she wasn't what held his heart together. He just hadn't realized it until Lucifer stuck the blade through Castiel's back.





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> So about a week after the finale ripped out my soul and stomped on it for good measure this little idea crept into my head and latched it's hooks in. Dean's emotions may seem out of character at times but the way I see it is that Cass's death was the final straw for him. He really took on a life of his own when I was writing this. Also I wanted to include Claire because only a few of the stories I have read taking place after S12E23 rarely included her reaction which I think needs to be seen. This was supposed to be a one shot but again, this story took on a life of its own. I should have the last half up in a couple of days or so. I didn't want to post anything until I had either completely done or almost done.

            Dean’s whole world had narrowed down to a point. Nothing would ever be the same again. He couldn’t pull his gaze from the sight of his best friends wings burned into the ground. He’d never really let himself believe this could ever truly happen. He didn’t know how long he’d been kneeling beside Cass. His mom was trapped in some alternate universe with Lucifer, Crowley was dead, Lucifer’s not quite love child was in the house behind him but none of that mattered now. Cass was _gone._

            Dean felt numb. He had very little recollection of Sam coming out with the Nephilim or them returning to the bunker. He did remember gently cradling Cass to himself, he refused to think of Cass in terms of _Cass’s body_ , and crying, holding him for a while before picking him up and placing him in the back of the Impala. The drive itself was a blur.

            Sam had put the kid, Jake or Jack or whatever, in a heavily warded room until they figured out what to do with him. Sam had said something about binding his grace but Dean couldn’t be bothered with that right now.

            _Cass was dead._ That single thought ran in a loop in Dean’s mind. He knew he had to do something, becoming a virtual zombie wasn’t really an option right now, but he just couldn’t bring himself to move. He’d simply been on autopilot on the return to the bunker.

* * *

            _Sam knelt down beside Dean, his own expression one of grief. “We have to go Dean,” he said gently._

_Dean slowly turned his head towards his brother not caring one bit for the tear tracks making their way down his cheeks. “But Ca... Cass...”_

            _“I know Dean,” Sam’s own tears began to fall freely. “Let’s take him home.”_

            _He turned back to his fallen friend. Take him home, that would mean moving and Dean wasn’t sure he could._

            _“Dean?”_

            _Right, they_ had _to move. His limbs felt heavy and Dean just wanted to fall into oblivion. He couldn’t do this._

            _Sam reached for Cass, “here-”_

_“_ No! _” It was as if the weights were pulled from his limbs. He hadn’t been able to protect Cass before, he was definitely going to make sure no one hurt him worse now. Though how it could be worse than this he didn’t know._

            _Dean was very gentle in bringing Cass to him and lifting him from the ground. Cass’s head settled beneath Dean’s chin. His hair was so soft and Dean could still smell the scent of petrichor and the hint of Old Spice that was uniquely Cass._

            _Dean thought about keeping Cass up front with him but figured he wouldn’t be very comfortable with his legs bent awkwardly so he decided to lay him in the back. Dean had had all intention of driving until he realized there was a forth passenger. There was no way he was going to let the Nephilim sit in the back with Cass. Dean really didn’t want him coming with them to begin with but it wasn’t like they could just leave the kid alone. God only knew what would happen then. Instead he gave Sam the keys and sat in the back with Cass’s head in his lap._

_The kid sat in the front draped in Sam’s too large jacket looking small and scared. Dean decided the kid would be a problem to deal with later. He didn’t appear to be a threat at the moment. He ran his fingers absently through Cass’s hair, still in shock from the events of the night, as they began their trek back to the bunker._

* * *

            The dim light in his room was still too bright to him. It allowed him to clearly see the figure lying on his bed. He took a drink from his glass. Dean knew something was seriously wrong with him when he hadn’t gone right to his usual method of mourning. His glass held nothing but room temperature water.

            From this angle Cass looked like he was doing nothing more than sleeping. Stiffly but sleeping none the less. Dean knew it for the lie it was. At least he didn’t have to see Cass’s burnt wings anymore.

            And wasn’t that something Dean could have gone his whole life never seeing. He’d known that the aftermath of Metatron stealing Cass’s grace was that his wings had been damaged. He’d also seen the damage the Fall had done to the other angel’s. Dean supposed he’d hoped that Cass’s hadn’t been as bad. The wing marks Dean had seen from Cass were wrong. Not simply because they shouldn’t exist, the wings had pretty much been destroyed.

            Soft footsteps made their way down the hall. Dean felt a little guilty for not helping Sam cleanup from Ketch’s intrusion but he just couldn’t bring himself to care. Sam stopped just outside of his door. “Dean...” Sam let out a deep breath. “We should probably-”

            Dean cut him off. “No, we’re not doing anything. We’re not...” He ran a hand down his face. “I can’t Sammy. I can’t do this. He always comes back so... no we’re not... not...”

            Sam moved closer and put a hand on Dean’s shoulder. Dean knew his brother was trying to comfort him and that just angered him instead. He threw Sam’s hand off and stood, glaring up at his brother. “We’re not doing anything,” he said through gritted teeth, “he’s coming back.”

            With that he stormed from the room. He had to get away before he did something he’d regret. Punching Sam wasn’t the right course of action right now; no matter how much it would make him feel better.

            Sam just didn’t understand. They were not about to bury or burn Castiel. After all the times Cass had “died” just to come back left Dean knowing they couldn’t just get rid of Cass’s body. He deserved better than that.

            Dean slowed to a stop a short distance from the bunker. Was this the “cosmic consequences” Billie had warned them about. Sure Dean had been angry at Castiel for breaking the deal but, if Dean was going to be honest with himself he was too busy being worried about what would happen to Cass. Why couldn’t they catch a break? It wasn’t even that long ago that Cass had almost been killed by the Lance of Michael. Cass’s deathbed confession played out in Dean’s mind.

            _“Thank you. Knowing you, it... it’s been the best part of my life. And the things that...” Cass took a deep shuttering breath. “The things we’ve shared together, they have changed me. You’re my family.” His pained blue eyes landed square on Dean. “I love you.” He swallowed, looking at everyone else now. “I love all of you.”_

            Why hadn’t Dean said anything back? He guessed he’d thought he’d have had time to figure everything out first. Then there was Apocalypse-Take-Whatever to deal with. He should have just taken the time, let Cass know how he really felt.

            Dean wiped at his eyes. It seemed as if his tears would fall at random times and he had no control over them. He let his gaze lift to the starry sky. _It should be raining._ He thought. _This kind of grief deserves a downpour._

            When he put his hands in his pockets his fingers landed on his phone. Pulling it out he unlocked the screen and began to browse through the picture gallery. His bottom lip trembled while he flipped through them. He’d taken so many covert pictures of Castiel. Sure there were pictures of other people; Sam, mom, Jody, but it was the ones of Cass he was paying the most attention to. He choked on a sob when he came to one he’d taken of the two of them when he’d been just tipsy enough to feel bold and he’d gone up behind the angel while he was sitting at the table, wrapped an arm around his shoulders, face resting beside Cass’s and snapped the picture. Cass expression was confused at first before morphing into a broad smile as Dean had continued to snap them.

            He stopped his scrolling when he came to one of Cass and Claire. They were sitting side by side in a random diner booth with Claire laughing at some off the wall comment Cass had made. God, Claire didn’t know what had happened.

            Bracing himself he pulled up her contact information and had to force back the urge to vomit as he hit send. Part of him hoped she didn’t pick up.

            After three or four rings he heard, _“What’s up Hasselhoff?”_

            Dean’s voice caught and he cleared his throat. He hoped he didn’t sound too bad. “Where are you at?”

            _“I’m headed back to Jody’s for some R and R. Why?”_ Her tone of voice became annoyed. _“She didn’t tell you to call me for a check in did she? Or was it Castiel? I know he called, I just keep forgetting to call him back.”_

            “Yeah, um... Cass...” Dean squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose. After a shuttering breath he said, “how soon could you get to the bunker?”

            Now Claire sounded one part confused, one part worried. “Couple hours. Why?”

            Dean couldn’t tell her over the phone. “I’ll tell you when you get here.”

            _“Okay, see you in a few.”_

            Normally there would have been more sarcastic remarks as they said goodbye but for obvious reasons he wasn’t feeling up to it. He hung up and just stood there in the darkness with no idea how he was going to be able to tell Claire what had happened. He was less sure how he was going to make it through the rest of the night.

            “Please Cass, come back.”

            His whispered plea went unanswered.

* * *

            The hours it took for Claire to reach the bunker seemed both endless and all too soon. Dean had stayed outside the whole time, the night chill barely noticed. His world had become a haze once more. His emotions were all over the place. Dean was beginning to think he was bipolar.

            What he had not done while waiting on Claire was figure out how he was going to break the news to her. She and Cass had really started to get close after Amelia had died. He knew that Cass had seen the teen as more than just his responsibility and while the angel would never be her father he was trying his best to be as good of a dad as he could be. Hell, Dean even kind of thought of the kid as his too.

            The headlights of Claire’s junker blinded him for a second as the car made its way up the road. Once parked she got out and grabbed a duffel from the back swinging it over her shoulder she approached him. Knowing she was Jimmy’s daughter but seeing the similarities between her and Cass made his chest tighten.

            “Alright I’m here. What is it you wanted to tell me?”

            Dean gestured behind him. A stray tear fell and he rubbed it away as they went inside. Claire followed, her expression becoming more confused as they went.

            Sam was sitting at the table in the common room and his face paled when he saw Claire.

            “Guy’s, what’s going on?” She asked dropping her bag on the table and looking back and forth between the two.

            Dean took a deep breath to steady himself. “There uh...” He paused and clenched his jaw until he thought he could keep his voice steady and also not burst into tears. “God, I don’t even know if I can say this.”

            Luckily Sam came to his aid. “You know that Lucifer had been freed from the Cage and that he got a woman pregnant a few months ago right?”

            Claire nodded. “Sure, Kelly Kline. Cass told me about her. What’s she have to do with whatever is going on?”

            “The uh... ‘baby’ was born last night. Unfortunately she didn’t make it but... There was a lot more going on and Lucifer showed up and-”

            Claire threw up her hands to halt him, “whoa Sam. Hang on, Satan?” Her voice was rising in pitch. “What is _going on?_ ”

            Dean knew there was no way he was going to get the words out so instead he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and led her to his bedroom. He heard the scrape of the chair as Sam rose to follow them. Dean braced himself, his arm tightening around Claire as he opened the door.

            Claire’s whole body went stiff when she saw Castiel lying on the bed. “So he’s sleeping,” her voice wobbled as she spoke. She looked up at Dean, panic seeping into her expression. “But angels don’t sleep right, so why...”

            “Claire,” Sam said gently from behind them, “Cass didn’t make it. Lucifer-”

            Claire was shaking her head back and forth. “No...” She looked up at Dean with glistening eyes. Dean felt what was left of his foundation crumble. A sob escaped him before he could stop it.

            Claire tore from his grasp and began to shake Castiel as soon as she reached him. “No, you’re not dead! Wake up!”

            Dean rushed to her and pulled her away so she couldn’t keep shaking Cass like a rag doll. He hugged her tight, his own cries added to hers. “He’s gone,” he choked out.

            _“No!”_ Claire screamed, struggling against Dean. She tried to reach for Cass again but her legs gave out instead as her grief overwhelmed her.

            She and Dean sank to the floor. Dean could still see Cass when he lifted his head.

            “Wake up.” More heart breaking sobs. “Wake up. Please.” She managed to reach out and clasp Cass’s hand. “Daddy, come back. _Daddy!_ ”

            Dean heard Sam’s footsteps run from the room. He wished he could run too. Run from the emptiness that had consumed him the moment Lucifer had sunk that damn blade into Cass’s back. Run from the knowledge that one of the two most important people in his life was gone forever. Sure he could beg and plead, hell even threaten Chuck, but he knew it wouldn’t do any good. He and Claire sat on the floor, each crying out their grief for the angel they loved and taking a little comfort in each other’s presence.

* * *

            After Claire had cried herself out, Dean gently pulled her from the floor and took her to one of the spare bedrooms. He didn’t bother to wipe away the evidence of his own tears. It wouldn’t have mattered anyway since Dean doubted he would ever have a dry eye again.

            He quietly slipped down the hallway to get her bag to bring it back to the room. Dean was hoping he didn’t run into his brother. He still wasn’t ready to talk about what had happened yet. If Dean could have his way he never would because Cass would still be alive and they wouldn’t be going through this in the first place.

            Suddenly Dean found himself pressed against the wall, hands grasping tightly at his shirt, trying to breathe. Spots danced in front of his eyes the longer he tried to get air. His chest had never felt so tight, not even comparing to the time he was suffering from ghost sickness.

            From far away he could hear someone calling his name. Over and over he heard, _“Dean,”_ But the voice was wrong. It wasn’t Cass.

            He slid down the wall, his legs losing all strength to support him. One hand came up to cover his mouth, barely masking the sound of his cry. _Oh God,_ he thought, _he’s gone. Cass is gone._

            There was an arm around his chest and a hand rubbing at his back. The voice speaking to him belonged to Sam. “I know Dean. We’ll get through this. It’ll be alright. Shh...”

            Dean looked at his brother with tear filled eyes. “He’s gone Sam. H-he’s... he’s... g-g-gone. Oh God. S-sam he’s...” Dean cried like he hadn’t since... well as far as he could remember he’d never cried like this, not even when his mom had died. This felt so much worse. He cried so hard and loud, a scream or two of anguish interrupting the full body sobs tearing themselves from his chest. Sam rocked him, his own sobs brought forth from Dean’s grief though not as violent.

            Dean had always had a firm control of his emotions. Even during the times he’d wanted nothing more than to rage against whatever the subject was at the time he’d never let them go like this. He’d had to be the strong one, he’d learned that when he was four. But this, he couldn’t control this. This was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

            “Dean, you need to breathe,” Sam said gently. His voice sounded as broken as Dean felt. “You’re going to make yourself sick.”

            It took a gargantuan effort but Dean was slowly able to bring his breathing under control. His tunnel vision was finally going away.

            “What d-do we do Sam? I-i don’t k-know what to do.”

            Sam shifted but didn’t let go of his brother. He hid his face against Dean’s shoulder and Dean could feel his shirt becoming wet. When Sam lifted his head up again he took a deep breath before speaking. “We give him a hunter’s funeral. And then,” another breath, “then we get mom back, find and capture Lucifer, and then slowly kill the son of a bitch because a quick death is too good for him.”

            Dean let out a sound that was half laugh, half sob. He nodded his head in agreement. “Yeah...” Hell if they ever did get their hands on Lucifer he would most likely show the archangel everything Alistair had taught him. His whole body sagged as exhaustion overcame him. He’d been on an emotional rollercoaster from the beginning.

            “We don’t have to do anything tonight,” Sam said. “Tomorrow, we’ll let him go.”

            Dean took a shaky breath, not sure he could ever go through with it but knowing he couldn’t keep Cass lying in his bed forever. “Okay, tomorrow... we will...” He squeezed Sam’s arm that was around his chest before pulling away and turning to look at him. Sam’s eyes were just as bloodshot as Dean knew his own to be.

            Sam gave a halfhearted smile. “Try and get some rest.” They both knew the likelihood of either of them sleeping was slim.

            Dean managed to pull himself from the floor. He wiped feebly at his eyes. “I came to bring Claire her bag before,” he gestured vaguely, “you know.”

            “I’ll take it to her,” Sam said before Dean could take a step.

            Dean nodded and turned back to his room. Once there he closed and locked the door. Dean pressed a hand to his mouth to try and stop a new onslaught of crying. Cass’s clothes were rumpled from where Claire had shaken him. Taking a deep breath to steel himself he moved over to his best friend and began to straighten his clothes.

            “I’m sorry Cass.” Satisfied Cass’s clothes were in order he moved to sit on the other side of the bed “I’m sorry I-” He scrubbed his hands over his face. “I should have... I’m sorry, it’s my fault. All of this.” The broken faucet that was responsible for the constant water works opened again. “I should have just let Billie take me as soon as we got out but I wanted to see you and mom one last time.” He tipped his head up to look at the ceiling. “Cosmic consequences she said. Why did this have to happen to you? Why can’t we...”

            He shifted to lay beside Cass. Sure it was probably morbid but Dean didn’t care. He felt dead inside. There was really no point for Dean to continue on when everything that made life worth living kept being taken away from him. “I can’t do this without you Cass.” He shifted closer one hand holding Cass’s finally cooling arm and his head against Cass’s shoulder. “I need you to wake up buddy. I need...”

* * *

            Sam watched his brother disappear down the hall before heading to the common room to grab Claire’s bag. Returning to the guest room he knocked gently on the door. Sam received a muffled reply which he took as an okay to enter. Claire was sitting up as the door opened. Sam could tell she had been crying as well. She made a sniffling noise and rubbed at her face.

            Sam held up her bag. “I just wanted to bring this to you.”

            Claire nodded, barely seeming to acknowledge him. She spoke just as Sam turned to leave. “He’s really dead isn’t he?”

            Sam felt himself sag against the door frame. “Yes.”

            “It doesn’t feel real.”

            “I know. I keep expecting him to wake up.”

            Claire took her bag and opened it, taking out the stuffed animal Castiel had given her for her birthday and hugging it. “What happens to angels when they... when they die?”

            Sam moved further into the room and took a seat next to her on the bed. “I honestly have no idea. They don’t have souls so I’m not sure. I think they cease to exist.”

            Claire’s brow furrowed as she pondered this. “That doesn’t seem fair. At least not for Cass.”

            “No it doesn’t.” Sam didn’t like the idea that everything that had made Castiel who he was had simply been wiped out in the blink of an eye. Claire’s voice broke him out of his thoughts.

            “I hated him at first for what happened to my family. I blamed him for taking my dad away then my mom when she went looking for him.” She turned to him, fresh tears in her eyes. “He tried though you know. After Dean told me about everything that had happened during the Apocalypse and what had happened to Castiel afterward. I couldn’t hate him even though I wanted to. I stopped seeing my dad when I looked at Cass. He was like,” here she smiled and little, “dad’s dorky twin brother.” She adjusted her hold on Grumpy Cat. “Isn’t there any way to bring him back?”

            “I wish there was. When I died the first time Dean sold his soul to bring me back. Which is not something were going to try by the way.” Sam looked down at his hands, “If we knew of any way to bring Cass back Dean and I would be first in line to try it.” He sighed and shook his head, “We don’t even have our demon connection anymore.” They had lost so much in such a short amount of time.

            They truly had been delivered a crushing blow. The British Men of Letters had betrayed them, though Dean had never trusted them to begin with; their mother was in some apocalyptic alternate dimension, Rowena murdered by Lucifer, Crowley dead by his own hand to close the rip in dimensions and Cass...

            “I wish I knew where we went from here. I wish we could turn back time and keep any of this from happening. We can only try to move on and keep fighting.”

            “What about Cass?” She asked in a small voice.

            “Tonight? Nothing. Tomorrow though we are going to give him a proper goodbye, a hunter’s funeral.”

            Claire wiped fresh tears from her eyes. “He’d want that wouldn’t he?”

            “Yeah.”

            She took a deep breath and straightened. Sam saw her inner strength come to the forefront. “It’s going to be hard.” She turned to him with a watery smile on her lips. “At least I know I still have a family. That helps.”

            “You’ll always have a family with us Claire.”

            Her expression shifted to one of concern. “Dean is taking this really hard, isn’t he?”

            Sam ran a hand through his hair. “He is,” he agreed, “Cass and Dean have always had this... thing...” He made a vague hand gesture. “This... bond. I don’t know how to explain it. Dean turned into a drunken wreck the other times we thought Cass had died. Last year when Cass had been possessed by Lucifer Dean was ready to burn down the world to save him. I’m afraid of what he might do this time. Cass being _gone,”_ Sam still had a hard time with the word ‘dead’ when it came to Castiel, “had never really felt so _final_ like it does now.”

            “I don’t like final.”

            “Neither do I.”

* * *

            Sunlight broke through the canopy of leaves in the woods Dean found himself walking in. It wasn’t the harsh sunlight that had been in Purgatory, this appeared very natural. Dean didn’t know how that could be since the last thing he remembered was falling asleep in his room next to his fallen friend.

            He followed the birdsong and the trees began to thin the further he walked. The light lapping of water against a shore came to his ears. Dean broke through the trees and came to a small cabin by a lake. For a second Dean’s heart stopped until he realized that he wasn’t at the cabin in Washington. It looked like the cabin he’d dreamed up in his imagination.

            He moved further onto the property. As he came around the cabin he saw the little dock out on the lake. He stumbled to a stop when he noticed a figure sitting on the dock. Adrenaline rushed through him and he couldn’t get to the dock fast enough.

            Dean came to a stop just as his boots touched the wood. The figure before him had their back to him and Dean found himself mesmerized by the two very large appendages coming from the figures back. The sleek black feathers of the wings shone with green and blue highlights in the afternoon sun. Not only had the colors and the fact that hello, _wings,_ caught his eye, it was that they were _whole_. The wing span was easily two or three times Cass’s height.

            Dean smiled from the elation he felt seeing his best friend and faded as soon as reality came crashing down. He slowly made his way to the end of the dock.

            Castiel’s head turned before he stood to face Dean. His wings puffed up and a small smile graced the angel’s lips. “Hello Dean.”

            Dean took in his friend again. The ever present trench coat, suit jacket and tie were missing and the sleeves of the white dress shirt were rolled up to the elbows. He looked relaxed, something Dean hadn’t seen in a long time.

            Castiel’s expression shifted from joy to concern. “Dean?”

            Dean pressed his hands against his eyes in an attempt to keep the water works at bay. He took a shaky breath. “This isn’t real,” he muttered. He lowered his hands and shook his head sadly, “You’re not real.”

            Cass moved towards him, hands raising to rest on Dean’s shoulders. “I am real Dean.”

            Dean was torn between wanting to pull Cass into his arms and breaking away to run for the hills. He shook his head in denial. “You died Cass. I saw it happen.”

            Castiel lowered his hands. “I’m sorry Dean. You should never have had to see that.”

            “I, what?” He covered his eyes with one hand and took a breath. “I don’t even know why I’m even... This is just a dream. You’re not really here and when I wake up I... I have to help Sammy with your funeral pyre.”

            Cass grabbed Dean’s shirt giving him a little shake, panic coloring his expression. “Dean listen to me. I am real. I am _here_!”

            Dean scoffed, “right.”

            _“Dean!”_

            Dean allowed himself to really look at Cass. He was surprised his memory was able to conjure up such a remarkable likeness. Then again the pain of Cass’s death was still too fresh and he had been all Dean had been able to think about since it had happened. He decided to play along and see where his imagination went.

            “Alright so you’re here. How?”

            Cass loosened his grip but didn’t let go of Dean’s shirt. “You don’t believe me.” He closed his eyes and took a breath, his wings drooping a little. “Dean, I’m not a figment of your imagination. I am... I have no idea how to make you believe me.”

            Which was kind of weird for a dream. Actually since he’d already figured out he was dreaming he should have woken up by now. Cass seemed to come to some kind of decision. Dean just wished he could wake up, not that reality was any better but at least there he could start drowning himself in alcohol.

            There was a sadness in Castiel’s eyes Dean had seen all too often as of late. Cass lifted his hand and placed it on Dean’s left shoulder right over the faded scar of Castiel’s handprint. “I know you don’t remember your rescue from Hell but when I raised you from the Pit you were... scarred for lack of a better term. Your soul still shone the brightest even though you had taken up a blade. You did not do what you had for selfish reasons and you never harmed anyone who did not deserve it.”

            “What’s your point?”

            “I rebuilt your physical body but the damage to your soul would not have allowed for the two to be reunited. I had to repair the damage Hell had inflicted and to do that I used a piece of myself; I used my grace to heal your soul. By doing so the grace I used was left behind. Any time we were together the piece of grace you hold would instantly recognize me and...” here he seemed to be at a loss for words, “gain any memories I had made since the last time we were together.”

            “So what? You saying I’m your back up hard drive?”

            Cass’s brow furrowed in confusion for a moment. “Yes I... think so...”

            Dean couldn’t believe where his imagination had gone with this. “I really need to wake up and get a drink, or twenty.”

            “Please don’t do that.”

            “Do what?”

            “Drink yourself into oblivion. You still have a long life ahead of you. I don’t want you to have lived through so much just to die of liver cancer. I won’t be around to heal you anymore. For that, I’m sorry.”

            Dean huffed a frustrated laugh. “Right, because I have so much to live for.” Dean wasn’t feeling suicidal or anything but he just didn’t see any reason to stop taking chances on future hunts. When the time came that he was semi functional again he knew he was going to go in a killing spree. No monster was going to be safe. It’ll be like Purgatory all over again except this time he won’t be looking for his best friend since he was already gone. And if he ended up getting killed in the process, so what?

            “You do,” Cass argued, breaking into his thoughts.

            “No, I really don’t.”

            “You have so much to live for. You have Sam and your mother-”

            “I don’t have you.”

            “You don’t need me Dean. You never did.” Cass looked away, his hands falling to his sides. “You are so strong Dean. You will move past this.”

            Dean sighed. He felt so drained. Why was his subconscious doing this? After everything shouldn’t it be arguing the opposite?

            “I don’t think I can. This time... it’s just too much.”

            Cass turned his head back to him. A small but sad smile gracing his lips. “I have faith in you Dean. You will move past this and you will return to doing what you do best.” Now his smile had lost the sadness, “Saving people, hunting things. You will continue to be the hero I know you to be.”

            “I’m not a hero. I couldn’t save you,” Dean whispered.

            “You never had too. What happened to me is not your responsibility. I was expendable and I made my choice.”

            Dean jolted at the statement. He couldn’t have heard right. Expendable? He didn’t think of Cass like that. He’d _never_ thought of Cass as expendable. No, he couldn’t have heard right. “What did you say?”

            Castiel seemed confused. “You are a hero.”

            “No after that,” Dean’s hands clenched, finger nails biting into his palms as anger started to take over. “What’s that crap about being expendable?”

            Cass looked away again. “It’s the truth Dean. I was simply a tool to be used in the fight. I did everything I could to help you and Sam and when I was human I was useless. Even as an angel I-”

            “That’s bull and you know it,” Dean interrupted. He shook his head and turned away. He couldn’t believe himself. How could he have ever thought... The tension left his muscles as his mind mulled the thought over.

            Sure, maybe in the _very_ beginning before Cass had really become _Cass_ and a part of the family Dean had thought differently. However in Cass’s defense at the time he hadn’t understood what it had truly meant to have free will and to think on his own. He had learned though and while Castiel would always be an angel he thought like a human.

            So why would Dean subconsciously think of him as expendable? He couldn’t believe his mind would go there. Besides, if that was how he truly thought of Cass why did his loss hurt so much? The truth was it wouldn’t.

            Slowly he turned back to face Cass. The angel had his gaze out over the water and his wings were tucked tight to his body, twitching every now and again. He thought over what Cass had said earlier. Could what he’d said be true? “Cass?” he asked slowly. “Is... are you...”

            Cass’s head turned back towards Dean, his eyes sad. “I’m here.”

            Cass let out a little grunt as Dean practically knocked them over in his rush to enfold Cass in his arms. If Cass had been human and they weren’t in a dream Dean would be leaving bruises. The tears began to flow anew. “You’re real. Oh God I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

            Cass hugged him back, his wings encircling them as well. “You have nothing to be sorry for Dean.”

            “I do. I thought...” He couldn’t finish the sentence. He pulled back just enough to look Cass in the eye. The angel’s own blue eyes glistened with his own unshed tears. “You’ll come back. When I wake up you’ll be-”

            “Dean-”

            “-back and we’ll figure out what to do with the kid-”

            “-Dean-”

            “-and get mom back from the other dimension and-”

            _“Dean!”_

            Dean stopped his rant. The look in Cass’s eye made him swallow hard. He knew he wasn’t going to like whatever Cass was about to say.

            “There is no coming back this time Dean.”

            “What are you talking about? You’re already here.”

            “I’m just a remnant. There isn’t enough of me left to bring back. I only exist now because of the grace I left in you all those years ago.”

            Dean knew there was an opening for a crude comment but he wasn’t feeling it at the moment. Instead he was focusing on the fact Cass just crushed his hopes.

            “You have to come back. Sammy and I, we’ll find a way.”

            Cass sighed, “Dean-”

            “I need you Cass. You and Sammy, mom, Claire, Jody; you’re all the family I have left.” His fingers dig into Cass’s shirt. “It’s so small and I- I can’t lose you.” He felt his tears running down his cheeks and dripping off his chin. He knew he looked weak but right then he didn’t care. “You know I’m not good with emotions let alone talking about them but I should have said something sooner. I was just afraid because whenever I let myself really care about anyone something bad happens to them. Everyone I’ve ever,” he swallowed, “ever loved has died. That’s why I don’t say it but Cass, I love you and I have for years.”

            Cass reached up and wiped away Dean’s tears. “I know you do even if you had never been able to say it. I saw it in how you worried about me, even when I was away I could still hear your prayers. I love you as well. You will be fine.”

            “If you say you’re not coming back then I don’t want to wake up. I want to stay here.”

            “You can’t do that Dean. As I said before, you will move on and continue to be a hero. The world needs you.”

            “Screw the world!” He yelled, anger overcoming him again. “I don’t care about it anymore. We’ve fought and bled, sacrificed and _died,_ and I’m done. If Chuck wants us to keep saving the world he’s going to have to bring you back.”

            The dream started to bleed around the edges and Dean realized he was beginning to wake up. “No,” he cried.

            Cass hugged him once more before stepping back. “It’s time to wake up now.”

            Dean tried to reach for him but found he couldn’t move any closer. “Cass!”

            “Goodbye Dean.”

            “No! Cass! _Cass!”_

            Dean woke up.


	2. Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I said I would have the last part up in a couple of days. I lied. I managed to finish this yesterday but I wanted to do one last read through to fix any inconsistencies I may have found. I have no beta so any mistakes are my own. I took creative liberties with Jack since all we've seen of him is like the last five seconds at the end of the episode. This is Supernatural which means he's probably going to be evil. Not how I played him in this. I'm considering this complete though I may come back to this story line at some point. I like where the characters are going but it is just fine with the way I finished it.

            Dean jolted awake breathing like he had just run a marathon. His left shoulder burned like hell and his dream played out in his head. His heart raced from both excitement and hope. Knowing that even a small piece of Castiel’s grace existed meant they had a chance. He reached for Cass and the emotional rollercoaster took a sudden nose dive. Cass was gone.

            Dean looked over the side of the bed he’d laid Cass on the previous night, or was it just a few hours ago? The bed and floor were empty, could that mean...? “Cass...” Dean’s voice was hoarse as if he’d been screaming. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Cass?” Then he remembered and he scrambled off the bed and out of his room. He knew he’d locked the door earlier but it wasn’t now. _“Sammy!”_ Sam wouldn’t burn Cass while Dean was asleep, he knew that. Had Sam gotten Cass to prepare him? _“Sam!”_

            Dean ran through the bunker looking for his brother. There was no sign of him or Claire. A part of him was even expecting to possibly find Cass but no such luck on that front either. His shoulder throbbed, demanding his attention. Stopping his frantic search for a minute he took off his flannel and lifted up the sleeve of his t-shirt. The scar had faded over the years but was now an angry red as if he’d just been pulled from the Pit.

            He didn’t bother rolling his shirt sleeve down just continued to search the bunker. Having exhausted his search there he headed outside. He ran as fast as he could towards where they had held Charlie’s funeral. That would be the logical place to build Cass’s pyre. When Dean finally made it he spotted both Sam and Claire gathering the wood they would need.

            Dean stumbled to a halt and when he tried to speak nothing came out except his gasping breath. Sam turned concerned eyes on him. “Dean? What is it?”

            “Ca... Ca... Cass...”

            Sam’s eyes turned sympathetic. “Dean.”

            Dean waved a hand to halt him while he was bent over trying to get enough breath to speak. When he felt he could make complete sentences he tried again. “Did you bring Cass out here yet?”

            Sam shook his head, “no.”

            Dean felt himself break into a huge grin. “Cass is gone.”

            Sam and now Claire looked at him like he’d grown a second head. “I know Dean. We’re working on his pyre. I figured you would want to prepare him.”

            “You don’t understand. He’s _gone._ Like up and walked away gone. He’s not in my room anymore.”

            Sam’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline. “What?”

            Dean nodded happily. “Look at this,” he twisted so his left shoulder was in view, “when he pulled me from Hell he used a piece of his grace to put my soul back together. It was left behind.”

            “You have some of Cass’s grace in you?” Claire asked.

            “That’s what he said.”

            Hope sparkled in the young woman’s eyes. “There’s a chance he’ll come back?”

            What Cass said about there no coming back flitted through his mind. He chose not to believe that. “A part of him is still alive, I know it. If there’s some way to bring him back completely we’ll find it.” It did beg the question of where he had gone. Had he already been granted life again? Dean didn’t think so simply because Cass wouldn’t have disappeared without at least letting them know.

            Sam looked like he wanted to say something but wasn’t sure how Dean would react. “What about Jack?” he asked tentatively.

            “Who?”

            “Jack the uh... Nephilim.”

            Oh right. They did have the kid locked up. “What about him?”

            “Maybe he knows something. He is half angel after all.”

            “Isn’t he the son of the Devil?” Claire asked. “You’d trust him?”

            “Trust him, no,” Sam replied, “but so far he hasn’t done anything dangerous. He seems kind of confused and shy.”

            “How do you know this?”

            “He’s in a warded room but he apparently is human enough to need to eat but angel enough for the warding to work. I think Kelly had some good influence on him.”

            “So what? We ask if he knows how to bring Cass back using the grace he left behind?”

            Sam shrugged, “couldn’t hurt.”

            Sam had a point but Dean wasn’t sure he wanted anything to do with the kid. His father had been the one to _kill_ Cass in the first place. Even with the hope of bringing the angel back the pain of his death was still raw.

            Dean felt himself deflating a little. “His body is gone though which doesn’t make _any_ sense.”

            Sam obviously agreed. There had never been a case of an angel’s vessel disappearing after death. At least not in their experience.

            “I’m gonna,” he gestured behind himself, “see what I can find.” He didn’t wait for an answer from either his brother or Claire and ran back the way he had come.

            For the next few days Dean dove into the books. While Dean hated research (unless it was something he was really interested in, don’t tell Sammy) he didn’t need to be prodded or bribed this time.

            Eventually Jody did call asking about Claire which prompted the young woman into completing her trip with the promise that they call her as soon as they find anything.

            Sam helped with the research as well. He had even asked Jack if he knew anything but that turned into a dead end. The kid barely knew how he worked let alone a full blown angel. He now sat at the table with loose fitting clothes and Enochian cuffs which left him completely powerless. He was only allowed out of the warded room under supervision and the cuffs _had_ to be on.

            Jack appeared to be a very confused and shy person. So far he hadn’t shown any homicidal tendencies and more than anything seemed like any other confused teenager. He followed Sam around like a lost puppy. The kid could just be biding his time though. That or Kelly really had had enough influence to teach him that his father’s ways were wrong. If anything that appeared to be the case.

            The days bled together for Dean who only took small breaks here and there. What little sleep he did get was usually from his body saying _that’s it, I’m done_ and he passes out wherever he happened to be sitting at the time. His back was very angry at him from the lack of using a bed. He practically lived at the war room table now.

            Dean had been so focused on his research that he didn’t hear Sam leave the room and come back. His concentration was only broken when Sam placed a glass in front of him, making him jump. Sam’s interruption made Dean realized he hadn’t actually been reading the book in front of him, only dreaming about it.

            “When was the last time you slept more than an hour?”

            Dean rubbed at his eyes and stretched. “How long have I been out?” he asked instead.

            “Not long enough,” Sam sat down beside him. Dean realized Jack was no longer in the room. “You really need to get some rest.” He pushed the glass closer to Dean, “and something to eat. I can’t remember the last time I saw you eating.”

            Dean noticed Sam had brought him a sandwich as well. The thought of eating turned his stomach. He reached for the glass instead and drained the contents in one go. “I’m not hungry.”

            “Come on man, do you really think Cass would want you doing this to yourself? We’ve been going at this for almost a month and we haven’t found anything helpful. We haven’t even looked for a way to get mom back. Hell we haven’t even taken on any cases.”

            “What, you giving up?”

            Sam’s brow furrowed and he appeared to think about his words before speaking. “We might have to face the fact that Cass may not come back this time.”

            Dean slammed the glass down with enough force to cause the plate to bounce and was a little surprised the glass hadn’t broken. He glared at his brother. “You _are g_ iving up.” He stood and gathered his book and notes. “Fine, you quit. _I’m_ going to get Cass back.” He stormed off towards his room.

            The scrape of the chair and heavy footsteps told Dean that Sam was following him. “Wait, Dean I didn’t mean-”

            He spun around so fast Sam almost lost his balance having to stop suddenly. “How do you explain Cass disappearing huh?” He didn’t think of Cass and his body (vessel?) as two separate things.

            “You know I can’t but Dean, we don’t know what happens to an angel or their vessel when they die. We’ve never stick around long enough. Maybe this is normal.”

            Dean refused to believe that. Cass was coming back dammit. Besides, when was anything in their lives normal? Shaking his head again he continued his way to his room. Sam called after him but Dean just ignored him. Sam didn’t understand. Dean knew Cass was coming back it was just a matter of time.

            Once in the safety of his room Dean locked the door behind him and placed his research material on his bed. He allowed himself to deflate a little. He hadn’t heard from Cass since the dream he’d had. Not that Dean hadn’t hoped every time he’d fallen asleep that his friend would show but so far nothing. The scar on his shoulder was still an angry red but at least it didn’t hurt anymore. He reached up, pressing his right hand against it.

            Dean knew he should probably get something to eat. He had been neglecting himself while he’d searched for an answer. He felt guilty that he hadn’t looked for a way to get their mother back but Cass had been _killed_.

            He kicked off his boots and lay down. His head was pounding, most likely from lack of sleep and a decent meal. Problem was any time he thought about eating he had the sudden urge to puke. Maybe some sleep in his bed would do him some good. The nap he’d taken in the chair had left a kink in his back.

            “Give me a sign here Cass,” he sighed. “Throw me a bone or something. I’ve searched so many books but you know there’s like _nothing_ on angel resurrection. I’d ask your dad but...” he made a vague hand gesture, “it’s not like he’d answer.”

            His grief over Cass’s loss hit him again like a freight train. He’d been able to block it out with the constant research until now. He closed his eyes and allowed his tears to fall silently once again. “I need a drink,” he said to the empty room. If he wouldn’t run the risk of running into Sam he might have chanced it. As it was he was pretty sure Sam was waiting for him to come out.

            Dean rubbed his eyes with the heal of his hands. Dropping his hands he rolled onto his stomach and reached under the bed. He might have a partial bottle of something under there. He stretched and his fingers caught the smooth end of a bottle. “Yahtzee,” pulling back he was rewarded with a half-bottle of Jack Daniel’s. It wasn’t nearly enough for what he wanted but it would have to do. He sat back on the bed again and opened his prize, taking a large swig.

            The alcohol burned going down but he didn’t care. He reached over for the pile of books he’d dropped on the bed and snagged the one closest to him. Dean set about continuing his research. All too soon he found his minimal supply of alcohol empty and he didn’t even feel a buzz. It was going to be another long night.

* * *

            “Dean.”

            For the second time that night Dean jerked awake. He silently cursed himself for not being able to keep his focus. He was also pissed at Sam for picking the lock to his room. He turned toward his brother. “You know, I locked the damn door for a reason Sa-”

            It hadn’t been Sam who had woken him. Then again, “I’m asleep aren’t I?”

            Cass gave a slight nod. He looked around Dean’s disheveled room until his eyes landed on the empty bottle of Jack. Dean saw multiple emotions flicker over his friend’s face; sadness, disappointment, resignation. It made Dean feel guilty.

            He sat up fully and twisted to face Cass who was perched on the end of the bed. He was back to wearing his typical garb. “Where have you been man?”

            Cass’s brows knitted together in confusion. “I have not been anywhere. I am dead.”

            Dean’s whole body tensed at Cass’s matter-of-fact tone and his anger at himself came back full force. It was his fault Castiel had died. If he had just… Dean took a breath to calm himself. He didn’t want Cass to think he was angry at him. “That’s not what I meant. It’s been almost a month since the lake.”

            Cass looked away. “You need to let go Dean. I did not show myself because I did not want to cause you unnecessary pain.”

            “Cass I-” Nope, not doing that. “Sammy and I have been searching for a way to bring you back. We’ve looked through every book we can find,” he made a vague gesture towards the collection of books he’d brought to his room. They weren’t going to do him any good in a dream but maybe Cass could point them in the right direction. “We haven’t found anything yet but we will.”

            When Cass turned back to him Dean felt as if his heart stopped. The expression on Cass’s face actually made Dean want to cry. His friend looked as if he had given up completely. It wasn’t an expression he ever wanted to see Cass wear. Even during every other seemingly no win situation they had been in he had never seen his friend like this.

            “I told you Dean, there is no coming back from this.”

            Dean was already shaking his head in denial. He stood, his anger finally getting the best of him and he spun on Cass with fists balled at his sides. “No,” he shook his head, “you don’t get to do that. There is a way, there has to be. You’ve come back before.”

            “Because my father brought me back. He isn’t going to this time.”

            “You don’t know that.”

            Cass gave a huff of frustration. “Don’t you think that if he was going to bring me back he would have by now?”

            “Well,” Dean was grasping at straws, “maybe he doesn’t know yet. You know, since he and Amara are off on a cosmic vacation.”

            “He knows Dean. He is God.”

            Dean threw his hands up in frustration. “Why are you so determined that you’re not coming back? That I just give up? Next you’re going to tell me to pretend I’d never met you.”

            “It would be for the best.”

            “Come again?”

            Castiel stood and seemed to search for his own calm. “If we had never met, if another angel had pulled you from Hell none of this would have happened. You and Sam… I should never have been brought back that first time. I didn’t deserve it.”

            “What kind of bullshit are you spewing? Cass you’re my _best friend_.”

            “Look at everything I have done Dean.” Cass argued, his own voice rising. “I have taken so many lives both here on Earth and in Heaven. I have caused so much destruction, brought about so much evil and I was powerless to stop any of it. I am useless Dean. I cannot even fix my own mistakes.”

            “And my track record is any better? _I_ broke the first seal which started the Apocalypse. _I_ failed to stop Sam from releasing Lucifer. _I_ took on the Mark of Cain and released the Darkness. Do you really think I’m not culpable to starting world ending events? Let’s face facts Cass, when I finally bite the big one for good I’m going straight back to Hell.”

            “Absolutely not,” Cass growled. “Your soul is too pure to end up back in Hell.”

            Dean rolled his eyes, “Doubtful but Cass, you see where I’m coming from don’t you? I’ve told you before, you’re family. Besides, you wouldn’t be a Winchester if you hadn’t started an apocalypse or two.”

            “I’m not-”

            “Dammit Cass.” Dean’s anger was really starting to get the best of him. It was like arguing with himself, which he had done from time to time when trying to convince himself of something. This was another thing that was his fault. He was a horrible role model. Cass learned how to value his self-worth from Dean. Dean’s self-esteem was so far from healthy it wasn’t funny. He just hid everything behind sarcasm and crude humor.

            Taking a calming breath Dean began again. “This is all my fault.”

            “Dean-”

            He held up a hand, “Let me finish. Do you remember a few years back that angel who said that you were lost the second you touched me in Hell? She was right, you know. Because of me you’ve lost everything. Your home, your family, your…” He took a breath, “your wings. That’s all on me.” He could see that Cass wanted to argue but he wasn’t done yet. “Think about it Cass. I made you choose between everything you knew and everything I believed to be right.”

            “You taught me to think for myself. You taught me the value of free will.”

            “Did I? I’m beginning to think that’s not what I did at all. You are a divine being and I’ve done nothing but drag you through the mud. I called myself your friend but I have been the shittiest example of a friend you could have ever had. I mean, come on man, I should have seen something was wrong way back when you were first working with Crowley to kick Raphael’s ass. Instead of helping you fight a war I acted like it didn’t matter. Like your problems were not worth my time and that you needed to fix my problems instead of taking care of yours.”

            “I didn’t want you involved. I wanted to protect you.”

            “I know that but it’s not an excuse for my actions. Think about it, how would things have changed if I had just listened to you instead of turning my back on you when we found out? The whole Leviathan thing might never have happened.”

            “You don’t know that.”

            “Maybe but,” he made a vague hand gesture, “what about Metatron?”

            “That was my mistake. I should have listened to you and not trusted him. I just wanted to repair the damage I had done to Heaven.”

            “I should have supported you.”

            “And I should have listened to you when you tried to stop me.”

            Dean ran a frustrated hand down his face. “Bad example then. How about when Metatron made you human and instead of protecting you I threw you out.”

            “You did that to protect Sam. Your brother will always come first. I know this.”

            “He shouldn’t though. I mean, yeah, my dad told me that I had to protect Sammy and I’ve pretty much made that my whole focus in life, like it was my only purpose. Because of that I’ve made everyone else I care about secondary. I shouldn’t be like that.”

            “Your family should always come first Dean.”

            “Exactly but look at how I’ve treated you. When you were depressed after Rowena’s attack dog spell I dragged you back in to the fight. When you said ‘yes’ to Lucifer I should have known right away that that wasn’t you. I should have seen how much pain you were in. I should have supported you when you were looking for Kelly.”

            “I am not your responsibility Dean. What happened to me was not your doing. You hold no blame in any of this.”

            “Sure doesn’t feel that way.”

            “I told you once before Dean, you cannot save everyone.”

            “Yeah but…” Dean shifted until he caught Cass’s eye. “This time I’m asking, you don’t think you deserved to be saved?”

            Cass flinched at having his own words used against him. Dean will admit that at that particular time in his life he hadn’t felt like he’d deserved being pulled from Hell. Had he known then what he knew now he wouldn’t have been so quick to disbelieve Cass. He just wished he knew of a way to convince Castiel of his own worth. That he deserved to be saved as well.

            “I want you back Cass. Call me selfish but I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep losing everyone I care about. Every time I feel like what’s the point? Why should I keep going when I get punished in the end anyway? Honestly Billie should have just taken me and destroyed me to the point where there would be no coming back. I should be the one to be punished for my failures, not you or anyone else.”

            “That’s not…” Cass gripped at Dean as if he was afraid his friend would disappear. “Dean, that isn’t why I died. My death is not your punishment. I was careless and should not have turned my back on Lucifer.”

            “You’re going to fight me on this no matter what I say aren’t you?”

            Dean was graced with the slight upturning of Cass’s lips. “I believe the saying is an unstoppable force meeting an unmovable object.” The smile faded. “You are a strong man Dean and you are not alone, you still have Sam and your mother. You will move past this.”

            “I’m not giving up Cass. I will find a way to bring you back even if I have to let the world burn to do so.”

            “You won’t do that because I know you well enough to know you would not sacrifice innocent lives for your own desires.”

            “At this point, I’m really beginning to not care.”

            “I know you will do the right thing. My grace is still entwined with your soul so I will never be completely dead. You will heal and you will continue saving people. Move on Dean, live your life.” He took Dean’s face in his hands, raising up on his toes just enough to place a kiss on Dean’s forehead. “Thank you for everything you have done for me, taught me. I am no longer truly an angel and neither am I completely human but either way I am better for having known you.” He pulled back and Dean saw an errant tear escape Cass’s eye. “Goodbye.”

            The dream began to fade and no matter how much Dean fought it he knew he was about to wake up. “I’m not giving up Cass! You hear me! I’m not giving up!”

* * *

            This time when Dean awoke he shot up so fast he fell off of his bed. There was also an incessant banging against his door. Standing he ran to open it only to find Sam looking like he had just run a marathon.

            “What is it?”

            “Dude, you have got to see this.”

            Dean followed his brother as Sam led him through the bunker and outside to where Jack was standing gazing up at the sky. Dean followed the kids gaze and saw immediately what Sam was talking about. “Whoa.”

            The last time there had been a light show at night had been when the angels had fallen but this was different. This looked like an Aurora Borealis on steroids. Which given they were in _Kansas_ they shouldn’t have been able to see an Aurora to begin with. He turned to Jack. “You doing this?”

            Jack shook his head looking just as awed and confused as Dean felt. “I’m not,” he held up his hands to show the binding cuffs. “I couldn’t even if I knew how.”

            Right so if Jack wasn’t causing this then what was?

            “Ideas Sammy?”

            “I’ve never seen or heard of anything like this. We should be too far south for this.”

            The colors on the sky changed, shifting from vibrant greens to energetic blues. Actually the blues kind of reminded Dean of Cass’s eyes. _Great, and now I’m turning into a girl,_ he thought.

            Something nagged at the back of his mind though. An errant thought he couldn’t quite grasp and it was slowly driving him nuts. Whatever it was seemed important but he just couldn’t… “Wait a sec.”

            Sam and Jack turned their attention back to him. “What?” Sam asked.

            “When I was looking for a way to get Cass back I came across this completely obscure reference to an Eskimo legend about the Northern Lights. It had nothing to do with angels so I didn’t pay much attention to it but I do remember it mentioning how an Aurora Borealis is like, a gateway between this life and the next. Mostly it mentioned spirits _going_ to Heaven but what if it works the other way around too? What if it’s also a sign of someone coming back?”

            “Like Easter Eggs?”

            “What?” Dean asked wondering where that left field comment had come from

            “Easter Eggs are a symbol of rebirth.”

            “I guess…” Dean let his gaze return to the light show above them. “What the hell?”

            What looked like a beam of blue light shot out from the rest of the Aurora and headed straight for them. All three of them ducked on instinct and followed the lights path until it disappeared in the trees. There was a sound like something heavy hitting the ground.

            “Whatever that was sounds like it landed not too far from here,” Sam said.

            “Of course it did,” Dean muttered. They were going to have to check out whatever it was that had just landed. With their luck it was another problem they would have to add to their already long list of problems.

            Sam ran back inside long enough to grab a couple flashlights and their guns. Taking his from his brother the three of them slowly made their way through the woods searching for whatever it was that had landed. They split just far enough from each other, Jack staying with Sam, to still communicate and at the same time search a wider area.

            As they drew closer they saw a line of trees had been torn from the ground and while nothing was on fire the trees that were still standing looked a bit scorched. Dean followed the path until he came to a crater. He crept closer until he could peer inside. It took his brain a minute to process what he was seeing.

            His light shown on a mass of black feathers which currently hid all but the lower part of the right leg of the figure they were attached to. The figure groaned and the feathers, _wings_ , moved back to reveal a very _naked_ Castiel.

            Dean watched as Cass slowly sat up looked around, the expression on his face reminded Dean of someone who had been rudely woken up. “Cass?” Dean asked, barely letting himself hope what he was seeing was real.

            Castiel turned at the call of his name. “Dean?” He looked around their surroundings taking in the destruction. “How…” He rubbed at his head, “ow.” Cass stood slowly as if every muscle in his body ached, his wings flaring out enough to help him keep his balance.

            Dean shook himself out of his stupor, finally accepting that he was actually seeing what he was seeing, “Cass!” He called out to his brother, “Sammy!” then slid down the small slope created by the crater. He didn’t stop until he practically plowed Cass over in his haste to pull Cass into his arms. The only thing keeping them standing was Cass using his wings again for balance. The feathers Dean was able to feel were softer than he’d imagined.

            “You’re back,” Dean cried, tears of joy running down his cheeks. “You’re back, you’re back, you’re back.”

            “Oh my god, Cass!”

            Dean pulled away just enough to turn his head and see Sam and Jack coming towards them. Sam barreled into them like the lumbering moose he is causing Dean to laugh with joy. Finally, _finally_ , something good happened for them.

            Jack’s voice caused all three of them to focus on the young man, “The lights are gone.”

            Dean and Sam looked up at the sky to see a normal starry, if slightly cloudy, night. No evidence of the lightshow remained. Dean didn’t care about that right now. He didn’t care how it happened or the fact it was gone, all he cared about was the angel, literal wings and all, in his arms.

            Dean returned to holding Cass tight. He never wanted to let go. “I’m never letting you out of my sight again,” he mumbled into Cass’s shoulder.

            “We should probably head back to the bunker,” Sam said, pulling away from them. “The last thing we need is someone seeing…”

            Dean knew where Sam was going with that. Dean let his fingers run through the feathers at the point they met Cass’s back. His voice sounded giddy, “Dude, you got wings.” He pulled back just enough to let his flashlight run over the large appendages. Dean was awed that he was able to see them with his own eyes, not just in a dream. They didn’t look at all like the shredded things he’d seen burned into the ground. Cass’s wings appeared healthy.

            Castiel pulled his wings forward enough to see them and at the same time nearly engulfed Dean since he was still holding his friend. Cass’s eyes glistened as he looked them over. “They have been healed, my grace has been healed.”

            “I’m going to send your dad the biggest gift basket I can find.”

            “My father didn’t do this.”

            “How is that possible?” Sam asked. He looked at Jack who held his hands up once again revealing the Enochian cuffs.

            “Don’t look at me,” the boy said.

            Dean pulled back but didn’t leave the safety of Cass’s wings and watched as Cass looked the boy over, his eyebrows drawing together in confusion. “Jack?”

            The boy looked as if he wanted to join in with their celebration but was afraid to do so. He nodded before looking at his feet. “I’m sorry my father killed you.”

            “That was not your fault but…” Cass looked the boy up and down, “I thought you would be an infant.”

            “So did we,” Dean said. “Apparently the kid popped out fully grown or at least passable for a teenager.”

            Cass tried to take a step forward but stumbled, falling against Dean for support. “Whoa man careful.” Sam came to Cass’s other side to help keep them from falling over.

            “I seem to be less steady than I realized,” Cass said sheepishly.

            “Hey, that’s okay. Let’s get you back to the bunker.” Dean hesitated a moment. “Uh… not to put a damper on their awesomeness but do you think you can make your wings disappear? It’ll probably be easier to get you back to the bunker that way.”

            Cass closed his eyes and seemed to concentrate. His wings flared out and they looked to Dean like the heat wave illusion pavement gets during really hot weather right before they disappeared completely. This time when Cass sagged Dean already had a good grip on him. His heart rate spiked when Cass didn’t open his eyes right away. Worry filtered into his voice, “Cass?” He checked real quick and found a steady pulse. He’d just gotten his best friend back so sue him if he was afraid – _terrified_ \- of something happening to him again.

            Dean picked him up and was about to start back to the bunker when Sam stopped him. “Here,” Sam took his coat off and draped it over Castiel’s naked form. “Let’s get him home.”

            “Yeah,” Dean shifted Cass’s weight so he had a better grip. Jack had taken his flashlight and would turn to look at them from time to time along the way. Dean held Cass close, Cass’s head resting right under Dean’s chin. Dean was glad Sam and Jack were a couple steps ahead of him. That way they couldn’t see him nuzzle his cheek against the top of Cass’s head from time to time.

* * *

            This time when Dean sat watching the figure lying on his bed he was comforted with the knowledge that this time he was _alive_. Cass had roused long enough for Dean to get him into some loose fitting pajamas before Cass had turned himself into an angel burrito. The only part of him that Dean could see in the mass of covers was the top of Cass’s head and his eyes. It had worried Dean at first that Cass had needed sleep, he hadn’t needed it the other time he’d come back from the dead, but Dean knew that somehow this time was different. He didn’t know how it was different, it just was.

            It had been a few hours since they had come back to the bunker and while Dean was exhausted from the ordeals of the past month what sleep he had managed to get wasn’t restful at all.

            Dean stretched in his chair, his joints popping as he did so. Castiel shifted in his sleep and his eyes fluttered until Dean was able to see those beautiful baby blues looking at him.

            Dean moved from the chair to sit beside Cass. “How are you feeling?”

            “Sore,” Castiel replied, lowering the blanket just enough to reveal all of his face. “I should not require rest.”

            “Yeah well,” Dean reached out and pushed a lock of dark hair off Cass’s forehead, “coming back from the dead will do that to you. You probably had some kind of adrenaline drop.”

            Cass hummed and shifted from his side to his back. “Have you been watching me this whole time?”

            Dean rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment, “I kinda hadn’t been joking when I said I wasn’t going to let you out of my sight.”

            “I see what you mean about watching you sleep. It is creepy.”

            Dean laughed. “Turnabout’s fair play.”

            This earned Dean a smile from Cass before it faded and Cass turned his gaze onto the far wall. “I’m sorry Dean.”

            “For what? I should be the one saying that to you.”

            Cass sat up, the oversized shirt falling enough to reveal a shoulder. “For everything. I never wanted to cause you pain. I have made so many mistakes. I-”

            “We talked about this already.” Dean interrupted. “I don’t care about any of that. Cass when I saw…” he had to take a breath. “When I saw Lucifer kill you I… I just froze. Then I saw your wings burned into the ground and… It was too much. Yeah, I was angry at you for stealing the Colt and running off with Kelly but none of that mattered anymore and it doesn’t matter now. We’ve all made mistakes and we’re probably going to make more so…” He gave a small shrug, “How about we forgive and just move on.”

            Cass turned his attention back to Dean. “How can you forgive me so easily?”

            “Because you’re family Cass. Sure we argue and can be a pain in each other’s asses from time to time but that doesn’t mean we love each other any less. Sure it might take time but we eventually forgive each other. Look at all the things Sam and I have done to each other over the years. Do I like some of the shit he’s done? No but I eventually forgave him, just like I’ve forgiven you. Life is _way_ too short to hold a grudge against your family and that includes you. I’ll remind you every day of that if I have to.”

            Cass had pulled his knees to his chest while Dean had been speaking and he wiped his eyes on his shirt sleeve. Dean had never seen his friend cry, actually outright cry but Cass was currently very close. When it seemed he had gotten control of himself Cass smiled at Dean. “Thank you. I don’t deserve your forgiveness and I don’t deserve to be here but thank you.”

            “We don’t give up on family Cass.” Dean shifted until he could pull Cass into his arms. Having Cass like this, here in his arms, felt right. Dean was too tired to argue with himself why he shouldn’t be doing this. He didn’t care anymore, completely done with denying -to himself at least- his feelings.

            “You said earlier that your dad wasn’t the one to bring you back right?”

            “Yes.”

            A trickle of fear ran down Dean’s spine at that. “Well uh, not to look a gift horse in the mouth but if Chuck didn’t do it, then who did?”

            Cass snuggled closer to Dean and Dean felt a tingling in his left shoulder. “It was you.”

            “Me?” Now Dean was completely confused himself. “I’m just a human. How did _I_ bring you back?”

            “Something triggered the grace I left inside you-”

            “That just sounds dirty.”

            Cass rolled his eyes, ignoring Dean’s interruption. “-to awaken and the power of your soul helped to bring the scattered remnants of my grace back together.”

            “Cool. That doesn’t explain why your body disappeared or why you ended up naked in the woods with your wings completely visible or the light show before you came back.”

            “I don’t understand any of that.” When Dean shifted and his back popped again Cass moved them so that they were both lying on the bed. Cass lay with his head pillowed on Dean’s chest. “Maybe when I healed you last?”

            Dean ran his hand up and down Cass’s back. He wished he could see his wings again. “How so?”

            “I don’t know.”

            Dean chuckled. “Maybe the kid did it somehow? I haven’t really come into any physical contact with him at all. You were pretty juiced up from him before he was born though. Your eyes turned gold when you got the power to kill Dagon.”

            Cass sat up so suddenly he nearly cracked his head on Dean’s chin. “When I healed your leg at the cabin there was a golden flash where I touched you. With all that was happening I hadn’t thought anything of it at the time.”

            “Guess I’ll have to thank him then.”

            Laying back against Dean Cass tightened his hold. “When what was left of my grace entered your dream it was hard for me to accept that you or anyone could possibly mourn me after all that I had done. I didn’t want to believe I could mean so much to someone.”

            “You remember that?”

            “Yes,” he turned his face more into Dean’s chest like he was trying to hide himself. “I wanted to convince you that I wasn’t worthy of your care. That I _was_ expendable and-”

            Dean decided to break that train of thought, “Cass.” He tipped Cass’s head up and leaned down enough to place a chaste kiss on his forehead. “Shut up. We care and we’re not going to stop caring about you. You’re stuck with me and Sammy and… Oh shit!”

            “What?”

            Dean wiggled around so he could pull his cell from his pocket, brought up Claire’s contact and handed the phone to Cass. “Call your daughter.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The thing about the Aurora Borealis and Easter Eggs are actually a thing. I wanted to have something that was a real mythology. I originally wanted the Green Light like they have in Pirates of the Caribbean 3 but I couldn't find any lore on that that didn't just come from the movie. The scene where Dean hugs Cass in the crater was inspired by Tsuki-Nekota's Hold Me Tight which can be found here: http://tsuki-nekota.deviantart.com/art/Hold-me-tight-456880803. Hope you enjoyed and any creative feedback would be greatly appreciated.


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